Sorry It's Been So Long... I Have a Good Reason!

Sorry it's been so long since I've been on here. My husband Nathan and I actually welcomed our first child, Natalie Ayumi on October 6th at 1:38am. This little opihi weighed in at 6 lbs 4 oz and has changed our lives so much for the better since her arrival.

 

Even though she's everything to me at this point, I'll be very honest with you all - the first few months were tough for me personally. Being a first time mom, I had expectations of what motherhood would be like from the beginning- Seeing photos of fellow moms happily with their newborns, hearing people tell me throughout my life that parenthood is the best thing they've ever done, getting sucked into social media where it's easy to play the dreadful comparison game. In those first few weeks and months I was overwhelmed by how much changed in my life so quickly. One day I'm working full-time, spending time with my husband, planning new places we want to explore or go to on the weekend, happily enjoying my life… and the next I'm in full survival mode trying to keep another little human alive with no time for anything or anyone else. Now, yes, although I had 9 months to mentally prepare for the shift that was going to occur in me and my husband's lives, you don't really know what it's going to be like until you're in the thick of it. Between recovering from delivery, trying to navigate how best to feed Natalie (breastfeeding was rough for me personally), feeling totally over-stimulated and exhausted, dealing with the postpartum hormones, harboring resentment because Nathan was able to go back to work while I felt “stuck” in this new state of being that I didn't enjoy,  feeling like I've lost my identity, etc. I was simply struggling. I truly felt guilty for  how I was feeling... I kept thinking something must be wrong with me because “I should feel so elated to be a mom, shouldn't I?" I admittedly had doubts about my ability to be a good mom, if I was a ‘natural’ mother at heart, if I'd ever feel true love for my baby, and if I'd ever feel like myself again.

I share this because although more people are talking about it now in 2024, I do think motherhood is still mostly idealized. It took me a while to say “I love you" to Natalie and mean it. It took me a while to really miss her when I'd step away from her. It took me a while to look at her and feel like she's my daughter. All of which I felt incredibly guilty about at the time. Despite me thinking those feelings were going to last forever, all of that did eventually subside with time, and I started falling more and more in love with my little girl. I now can't imagine my life without her, and she's made our family so complete in every way. But it took me some time to adjust into this role as a mom, and to feel truly connected to my baby. And I've also learned that this is OK, and my experience is not abnormal. We just unfortunately don't hear this side of the story very often, and so I wanted to share incase anyone wanted or needed to hear this.

The good news is I am feeling so much more like “me” again lately, and I attribute that to my incredibly supportive husband, family, getting back to work, therapy, and quality time to bond with Natalie.

 

As far as Rise Jewelry updates go, I've gotten back to making jewelry pieces here and there. And I'm excited to share that my jewelry is now at Turtle Bay Resort as well as the new Fighting Eel Kapolei location. I'll also be attending the Made in Hawaii Festival this year in August, so I look forward to seeing you all there again this year!

Anyway, I wanted to send you all an update and let you know I haven't disappeared, and I appreciate your support and patience these last 7 months while I took time to navigate motherhood. It's been a wild adventure to say the least, but one that I wouldn't trade for anything- Natalie is such a smart, curious, and sensitive soul, and I am so lucky to be her mom. 

I hope to see you soon at Made in Hawaii or as always, feel free to connect here or on IG! :)